On the car ride home yesterday I was looking at Kenzie's school work. She's doing great. Every day she's getting "a star" for her behavior. She also got a perfect score on her math test. I was telling her how fabulous she's doing.

That reminded her of something.

She said, "oh, Mom, I was wondering...what reward do I get if I get all stars?"

Not really needing to ask I said, "What do you mean?"

She told me "Well, a friend in class is getting a fish from her parents if she gets all stars. I'm just wondering what I'll get."

I explained to her that she gets to be proud that she did her best work, learn a lot (and that's the point) and know that we're equally proud. I talked about the fact that we don't pay for grades, but always expect her to do her best. She was buying none of it. I reminded her that she gets lots of privileges and rewards every day because she's so fantastic and we love her so much...but we don't believe in bribing. My message was still not sinking in so I asked her, "if I were to offer to get you a fish, would that mean that you would try harder?"

Sensing a trap she replied with her most stern face, "No. Mom. Listen. I was just wondering what my reward would be."

Still trying to get her to see the inherent wisdom in this...and failing miserably...I said, "how does it feel when you get all stars? Aren't you proud of yourself?"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore."